I like to think of myself as an oyster. One with a really tough shell, but which within lies a vulnerability only I can understand. I may have developed a bad phobia for showing emotion, yet at the same time it has been good to me in the way that it has kept me from heartache and paranoia and loss of relationships. It's the reason why I like being alone so much: I don't have to deal with others' emotions, because dealing with my own already knots the convolutions in my brain.
Some people work up an appetite trying to shuck an oyster. Desperate, excited, anxious to discover what it really is. Forgive me if I have become a hard shell with the years that have gone by. And as much as I try to escape the trap that I had set up for myself, I do hope you work with me in meeting me halfway, in setting me free, and not giving up. At least not give up hope. At least not give up faith. I don't usually ask for it and I rarely give it... but I need a hug.
If only I can spit out what my mind says to me all the time, then you would fully understand. But I am most often misunderstood and dismissed before I can even get a point across. Maybe they think that will all this hard shell, even their most distasteful comments and bad jokes can't hurt the slightest bit.
It sucks that when they let me down, you also did.
It sucks that I am all cliched right now. And that I am confused. This one's for you. Not just for a partner, a classmate, a friend, a parent.
Life.
Life.
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